Thursday July 30…

Well I guess so far so good. The first day of radiation I had to be there by 2pm and they didn’t take me back until 2:45pm and I wasn’t done until 3:45pm so it was a long painful day. When I got home I just wanted to be alone so I decided I’d cook dinner (b/c I still can), shower, and get into bed. I got up at one point and went to my Mom’s room and broke down crying. The Palliative Care NP gave me an Advanced Directive and POLST to fill out. Never thought at 43 I’d be filling that shit out but I have to:( NOT sure what to think, do, feel, act, anything. I just know that things are starting to hit me and it sucks. How the hell did things get this way. I’ve done everything that the doctors asked of me and then some I feel. I even stayed on the stupid hormone therapy for the almost 10 year recommendation which I know many women DO NOT. Oh well, these are the cards that I am dealt and I have to deal with them.

Today’s radiation was much faster, only 15-20 minutes which if more like it. The side effects have been minimal just some headaches and nausea after treatment. I suspect things will get worse over the weekend or Monday.

Next step is my Oncologist got me added to Monday morning Tumor Board, which I sat in for 2 years thinking about every case and comparing it to me but never thinking it would be me. I am just a discussion meaning I’m at the end and they will likely just discuss my case with everyone and give recommendations. They don’t actually pull up images or pathology slides. It will be done via Zoom of some sort and they have Medical Oncologist, Surgical Oncologist, Pathologists, Radiologist and Radiation Oncologist at Stanford all specializing in Breast Cancer. So I’ll be getting some of the best advice. Then I assume that my Oncologist and I will speak or message after. As of now, I am NOT a candidate for the clinical trial, DESTINY, that I brought up before because I have not progressed (gotten worse) on one line of chemotherapy yet. I am going to see if there is a way that they can give it to me off label but not sure that is an option.

Well off to eat and hang out with Mark and my Mom….