June 23,2021

Truth…

I was listening to the TV yesterday and this lady was discussing how she was just diagnosed with PCOS and that now she can’t have kids. She commented on how she felt the decision to have more kids was taken away from her. This brought back a certain time for me.

I’ll be honest, we never really felt like we needed to have kids but as a married female, you know that’s kinda whats expected. Also, the first time that I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was only 28 so we weren’t even married. Then, all this time going through treatment I started to think it would be crazy to have kids because what if I wasn’t around. But then all of my friends start having children and my siblings have children. Not gonna lie, it was a little upsetting at times.

This entire journey I’ve been told by doctors that I need to either stop my ovaries from working (by getting an injection every month) or get them removed. So at that point it felt like the decision was taken away from me. I don’t know why that hurt so much more than us deciding not to have children but it did. It was like a punch in the gut. The decision to have or not have children was like that, just taken away from us and it was made by my doctors. How messed up, right?? For me, I did the injections for several years then I opted for ovary removal. I’ll be honest, there were times I cried. I cried because just like that, I can’t have kids.

Thanks everyone for following. XOXO